I'm not the woman in the pin-striped suit

As I returned home yesterday from the grocery store, arms full of bags, I realized that the title of cook was never something I felt would define the adult I would become. I also never thought I would be able to work in peasant skirts and flip flops, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I came into my shared apartment, placed my things on the floor and thought, wow, this is not where I saw myself ten years ago. This is not where I saw myself three years ago. The funny thing is, I'm happy.

I was a child of great independence and never really felt hindered by my gender or race. I say really because people tried to tell me all the time how my gender or race was keeping me from doing something, but I always did what I wanted. I went to the schools I wanted, I learned the skills and fleshed out the talents I wanted, because I wanted to. My mother had her hand in the pot occasionally, but what mother doesn't? All-in-all, no one ever told me who or what to be, never told me that I couldn't do something, and when they did, I did it anyway. I don't blame people for my mistakes and I rarely ask for forgiveness. I hate to ask others for help, but I'm not too pompous to do so. Point is, I thought I would be in a different place now.

I thought I would be that businesswoman with the pin-stripe suit/skirt set and that I would have an office in a building that had more floors than years I have seen. This vision has always been apart of my future, even if I didn't have a good reason for it, except that when you hear of women like that, they all started out like me. Yet, I took a different road- the one more traveled.

I got married and moved as far from my family as I could. When I was young, that was all I wanted- not the marriage part but the moving part. But the older I got, the more comfortable I became with living and breathing twenty minutes from my birthplace. Now that I can't drive by that hospital or my parent's house everyday, I miss it. But I'm starting to get off topic.

The point is, I am not the woman I envisioned I would be. I became the nightly cook, a role I hated to see my mother in because she worked just as hard as anyone else in the house outside of the house. I'm been wanting a baby since I said "I do", but was the kind of person just three years ago that would have worked until the day she died without a man or a child. For a while I was a house-wife, and during that time, I felt nothing but shame. But I leaned latter that my perception was the wrong way to go about it. What's the big deal? Many women all over America would kill to have the life I do- work part-time, husband can afford to pay all the bills and I can afford to shop, do anything I want because I am held to no one's standards but my own. But I did not know how to handle it.

I am a stanch Feminist, and I worked really hard for that to be the first thing people see me as. And living so far away from anything I had ever known before 2009 has opened my mind to a new world of possibilities.

I am not oppressed- neither by my gender or race. I am not wanting of a different situation, I love my husband and our plans to have a family. I am not a failure at being a feminist, especially because I have come to these conclusions. Sometimes, the choices we make for ourselves just aren't choices for others; but that doesn't mean that for us they are bad or oppressive choices. I didn't become that head executive with a corporate bank account like I thought I would- I became a part-time elementary school librarian, a full-time wife and looking to become a full-time mother. And I'm happy.

My path didn't take me in the direction I was expecting, and it doesn't for most. Many of us have regrets of things that we wish we could have done differently. You shouldn't. Regrets are of no use to you. They have been no use to me. I guess this post was just a reassurance to you that you are probably on the right path- you can't be on any other. And if you are on the wrong path, you took a wrong turn somewhere, back up, and try again. Life holds all these possibilities, we can't get hung up on not being the person our 15-year-old self wrote wrote about in their diary. I use to be and all it did was make me upset.

Even though we may think we have no power, I believe we all have the power to be influential. We can change the world, no matter if it's by an expense account or a good deed for someone you don't know. I wanted to be that influence and thought I could only have it with power, I was wrong. Find your passion. Find your love. Become an activist. Do something for free, because only so many people can make six-figure incomes. :-)

Book Review: The Skin I'm In by Sharon G. Flake

I saw this book a number of times, looking back at me. After a while, I wanted to know what all the staring is about. The synopsis on the back was minimal: a girl gets picked on about her skin color; then, a teacher with an actual skin problem comes to teach at the school. That is not what keeps you reading and that's not what moves you. Maleeka and her pain moves you. What keeps you reading is the heartache she has to want be different and proud, but can't because she is a follower and ashamed of her talents. It's a coming of age story, mixed with strong ideals on women and gender issues, subtle thoughts on racism and a little bit of teen awkwardness. It isn't a long book, only 171 pages and it's written for Young Adults. It is a winner of the prestigious Coretta Scott King award and is one of the ALA's Best Books for Young Adults. Nevertheless, that is not why you should read it. The story brings about joy, as well as sadness, and reminds us that we all have the strength, if we just believe in ourselves.

2010 Call For A Little Change

I've been going about this all wrong. I have been trying to compartmentalize my life as, well as my thoughts, and I'm not feeling too good about it. I'm not doing too well either. This blog was suppose to be more about the issues I want to talk about and less about me. However, as a good friend reminded me, the issues I fight for are not in-and-of-themselves kind of issues. They are topics I want to talk about because I find them to be personal in some way. What this all means is that when I have something to say, I should write about it and not feel that it is too personal for this specific outlet. I am personal. I have ideas. Some of my ideas can be deemed political. I have political thoughts. I just have to allow myself and my audience to cope with these ideas and my concerns. I guess it would be better to say this blog is both personal and not personal. Sometimes it's me and sometimes it just is. That is the best way I can describe it.

I also want to take a page from another friend's book and set goals for myself. I am a walking and talking organizer and love my many to-do list. This, though, should be bigger than a list of errands. So here are the few goals I have for the year, keeping in mind that I may have to come back and revise my list, or check it to make sure I am sticking to my plans. Hopefully I can make 2010 a year of accomplishments.

1. Read Like I Use To
Sometime around the age of 16 or 17, I stopped reading as passionately as I had when I was a child. I don't know if it is because reading for school became daunting or if I just never made the time. Whatever it was, I'm changing it. If that means that I watch less tv and buy more books, then I am ok with that. I got into the Non-Fiction when I started college because of my majors; nevertheless, with my new connections and the awesomeness of a site called Librarything.com, I have been reintroduced to the love of books I had as a child, which was mostly Fiction. Really, I never stopped reading and I never stopped loving to read. Now, I plan to make the time for it. So far I don't have a goal of the number of books I want to read, but like I said, check back for updates.

2. Really Get In Shape
I jog. I do yoga. I eat better than I ever have before. I just want to keep it up and be fit. Some of it is my issue with weight but it shouldn't be. Which leads me to my next goal.

3. Be Happy With My Size, Shape and Color
Very self-explanatory. Just to be happy with me. I have to overcome some issues I don't really want to admit I have but if I want to be happy, I have to live me. (So does everyone else.)

4. Stay Informed With What Is Going On In The World
For a while, I was really good about reading web journals and watching the news everyday. Somehow, I got away from that. It may also be why I haven't written a blog in a while because I don't know what is happening around me. That needs to change. I can't live in a box (sorry Jeca) and I can't talk about things I know nothing about.

5. Really Learn Spanish
I want to teach in L.A. I took Spanish in high school and college and STILL CAN'T SPEAK IT. Well not anymore. I have the background to really be good at it and I need it here.

6. Pick Up My Instrument
I don't remember being this stressed out about life when I played violin and I remember how much it was a part of my life. I lost a little bit of myself when I stopped playing. I know there are only so many hours in a day, but one of them should go to something as important as my music.

6. Continue To Be A Voice For Change
Why have a blog if you don't use it for good? The same with Twitter or Facebook or MySpace? Why do anything if not to better the community around you and in turn the world? That is what this blog is for, to be a voice. By the end of the year, I should have my Masters and my teaching credential, which is just a springboard for a lot of the work I really want to do.

The Joy of Reaading

It is wonderful to give the joy of reading to a child. To see their face light up when they hear the difference of inflection of your voice; the intrigue at mysterious sections, their brains trying to piece together the contents; knowing they have been introduced to a land of imagination, insight and an idea of creation they did not have previously. I did not teach her to read, but I am giving her the confidence she needs to do just that.

It pains me to see a mother feel helpless for her child, noting that the school sent home a paper explaining the dilemma. She can read, yes, but at a 5th grade level. That would be amazing if she were in 5th grade, or 4th, or 3rd; but she is not- she is in 8th. What to do? Her essay writing is not much better. Her comprehension is average, but you need more than comprehension to pass the 8th grade. (How has she gotten this far, I think to myself?)

My poor student, who shall remain nameless, is afraid of reading. She shutters at the thought to read out loud, and when she does, she rushes. Letters and whole words are omitted to get through the process. She adds tenses in strange places, and misreads as if no one will know. She has a learning disability and she has been programed to think she cannot read or write any better than she already does.

Yet, she is intelligent. When given the chance, she can analysis and interpret literary themes. With a little help, she can diagram a plot sequence. With the right attitude, she can write journal entries worthy of discussion. This student means the world to me and I am so happy to have stumbled across her. I love this student, and for the last 3 weeks, I have been giving her the joy of reading. Ever read out loud to someone hanging on your every word? I have. Ever jumped up and down and made someone scream at the top of their lungs "I can do it!"? I have. Know how it feels to change a life with just words on a page? I do.

Give the joy of reading to someone, anyone. You'll be happy you did.

Always B Natural: Commentary on Good Hair

A few weeks ago, my husband and I enjoyed the new Chris Rock documentary, "Good Hair", in Times Square with many other women interested in what the funny man's input would be on such a touchy subject. Touchy because the documentary was not about different types of hair from different types of people; it was about the different types of things BLACK women did to their hair in the effort to make it "good hair".

Before I get into how I felt about the movie, just a few thoughts on the theater. First, I was surprised at how many non-black females were interested in this movie. I must admit, I heard about this on Oprah, and A LOT of women (and men) watch Oprah, of all backgrounds. There were not a lot of people in the theater to begin with, but it was a pretty mixed bag. With that said...

... I loved this movie. The insight and story behind this film was amazing. Chris talked to many black women and men, both celebrities and average everyday people. From the working class to students, even to children, Chris wanted every opinion he could get on what black women do for hair care. He got down and dirty with the "perm", the "weave" and "natural" hairstyles and what he found out might shock you.

This is what I found:
We find ways to give ourselves excuses to live by. Excuses that get us through the day, that we give to our co-workers or friends, and even our families. Some women were angry after the release of this film because they thought that he had given away all the black hair secrets- placing black women farther out of reach of the comfortable lives that white women may have. Some women felt it made them closer to other races because they didn't have to hide what they were doing anymore. This movie opened up conversations that need to be had and I loved it.

I admit, black women hide. They... We... Women try to keep up with what they are told is fashionable and they want to be that. Black women do not have long silky hair that flows to the floor because it's not suppose to be. Sorry, but Tyra let us all know, we're wearing weave (not all of us!). A lot of us have beautiful, long and healthy hair. And once you pay for it, it can technically be considered yours. Just wait until you see were all that hair is coming from! Many of us are hiding, but we don't have to. We can come out and yell at the top of our lungs- "I WILL ALWAYS BE NATURAL!!!" This movie got me screaming and talking and ultimately, blogging.

Recently, before all the hoopla about hair and Chris Rock, I choose to cut off most of my chemically straighten hair and opt for a more natural style.





So I practice what I preach.

Was it easy? For me, yeah! But most people don't like drastic. And you don't have to be.

So my motto? Be natural. ALWAYS BE NATURAL! Good hair is what you make of it, what you put into it and what you get out of it. As for Chris, he made a really great and informative documentary. No matter what kind of hair you have, check out it out.

Socal Dispach on The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals

In a very intriguing read, Michael Pollan tries to get more personal with what he eats and how food makes it his plate. His premise? Simply follow the origins of a dish from the farm to his plate. And could it be done? Pollan did with his charm and wit.

He gives a long introduction on how we as Omnivores go through the daily troubles of trying to figure out simply what to eat! Unlike others in the animal kingdom (because many forget we are animals too), we can decide on chicken or fish. Or plants. Plus, with all the food available to us in the west, how can we really know what we're getting into?

I really enjoyed this selection and believe it was written very well. We all need to know a little more about what we are eating and paying for. I didn't feel that he gave equal consideration to the vegetarian lifestyle (be gave it a section of a chapter) as he did to the entire section about corn (which was the whole first half of his book); however, he made a lot of really good points and does an excellent job of making you more aware of what's going on in and around your food. This book is a good starting place but don't stop there. Pollan is only one voice of the very complex issues of food production, processing and transportation. He tries to stay objective, but I don't believe he does. And he can't- it's HIS journey into food, and you have his perspective. Occasionally he adds in the thoughts and quotes of others in the food industry, in his efforts to be objective.

Filled with new facts, history and the mindset that all food is created equal, Michael Pollan takes you farther than you ever thought we could go.

4 STARS

How Wonderful...

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world".

-Anne Frank,
Diary of a Young Girl, 1952